Someone recently asked me what my goal weight was.  I said “I don’t know, but I’ll know when I get there”.  There isn’t a certain number on the scale that I want to get to.  I might have a number in my head but I could get there and look awful and feel awful.  About fifteen years ago I lost a lot of weight and weighed about 115 pounds.  I had  friends, good friends who I knew really cared about me and were being honest, thought I looked unhealthy.  Some asked if I had an eating disorder, some thought I was depressed and someone even asked me if I had the big C.  I remember I was having dinner at a good friends home and after dinner I went to use the restroom and she starting pounding on the door and asking me if I was throwing up in there.  I’m sorry but I am a foodie and foodies do not throw up a good meal.  It’s funny but at that time in my life  I thought I looked great.  I want to get to a place, not a number where I feel good.  Where I feel comfortable in clothes, new size clothes, Without feeling like a stuffed sausage.  I want to feel healthy, be able to exercise and feel light on my feet.  I want to be the best me, not a number.

The other day I was talking to my good friend Gretchen about how nasty and cruel other women can be.  Not all but some. She was telling me a story about how she was going to visit her sister at work and stopped and got some fast food on the way.  Gretchen is a very busy business owner who sometimes like most of us grabs something on the go.  It’s not a crime, right?  Well she was sharing how some of the women in her sister’s office were giving her the “Stink Eye’ like, “your eating that”.  I can totally relate to that experience.  Here is a funny story from my flight attendant days.  Now flight attendants can be funny about that eating thing too. On a long flight we have enormous amounts of food.  Sometimes really good food.  But you have to be really careful about eating as a crew member.  I swear, every flight attendant watches what another flight attendant puts in their month.  I don’t think its even a conscious thing, I think it goes back to our weight check days.  Anyway, we were baking fresh baked cookies in the galley, for the passengers of course and I was dying for one of those cookies.  Now there was no way I was going to just casually take one and eat it in front of my fellow co workers, nobody ever did that.  I did not want to get the ole “stink eye” from anyone.  So I waited till nobody was in the galley and I stuffed one in my pocket.  It happened so fast! My head was spinning, now what was I going to do with it!  Thank goodness that the coat closet on those airplanes are eally big.  I made sure no one was looking and I went into that big coat closet and ate that big delicious cookie.  Talk about shame!  When I look back now I think it’s hysterical.  I’m sure I’m not the only flight attendants who has ever done that, trust me.  Remember don’t give those “STINK EYE” people power over you.  They are probably pro’s at being sneaky too.

The Scale!  How I’ve always hated the scale.  Probably because when I first became a Flight Attendant back in the late 1970’s the Airlines were really hung up on the scale.  Your job hinged on it.  Thank God discrimination laws have changed all that.  As Flight Attendants we had “Weight Check”.  Can you believe that.  Having to be weighed for your job.  Barbaric!  Your supervisor could weigh you at any time without any notice and decide if you should be on Weight Check.  This meant you were given a certain amount of time to lose that weight or you would lose your job.  The Pressure!  For my height 5’2″ I could weigh between 105 and 112 pounds.  Sure that’s fairly easy when you’re young and haven’t had children.  If I weighed that weight now my friends and family would think I had a serious illness.  Which would be true.  It would be called Starvation and Malnutrition.  Those days are long gone thank goodness now Flight Attendants can be weighed by their job performance not their weight.  So that’s why I have avoided the scale for years, hence the weight gain but now I am not afraid of the scale.  We need that beast to use as a gauge to see if our weight lose plan is working.  Don’t become obsessed with it and weigh yourself several times a day or every day.  And you know you are out there.  But instead use it once a week.  First thing in the morning, no water, no clothes, right it down and then let it go.  LET IT GO.